The Beginning

(looking back)

It's been almost a year since an unfamiliar wind began blowing through my life. It woke me from a 40 year sleep. It left me astonished, confused and more than a little bit intrigued.

If you listen to me recount it I will say that I just "woke up gay" and while that is the easiest way to explain it it isn't as simple or as tidy as that. But at quick glance I suppose it appears that way to others.

I did wake up one morning with a crush on a long time friend and I remember wondering what the hell was going on. I felt silly and embarrassed and tried to push it out of my head. I would reason with myself that a woman of my age, married twice with 4 kids could not possibly be gay. I would point to all of my hetero history as proof but find myself later mentally wandering back to this woman and I would long to kiss her softly and tell her how beautiful she was.

And so began my unexpected journey. It's a journey which I am told is not that uncommon yet by virtue of its subject matter, it is fraught with isolation and fear. I have and continue to experience these feelings. That is not to say I haven't also felt joy for that too is part of the journey.

This blog is to be my witness. It is also here, I hope, to find those who are on a similar journey. I hope to provide solace, personal insight, community links and perhaps... I may say something funny along the way. If that happens I hope I have made you smile. After all, if I am to be a lesbian, I want to be a funny one.

love, nina

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